remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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