the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
