Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
