At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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