I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
