thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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