sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
