My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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