Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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