Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
