I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
