so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
