Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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