You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
