So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
When did angry sex become our thing?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
