I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
