Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
