no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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