i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Sorry my hands just texted you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
