Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
