No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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