He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
