I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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