I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
