my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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