areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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