Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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