We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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