We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
