so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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