There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
