there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
