sarcasm needs its own font
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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