I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
