It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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