So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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