I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
