what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
