I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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