happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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