this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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