even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
