i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
