i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
