the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
