I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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