Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
