just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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