Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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