maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I want a musical about memes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
