I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
